Turns out she felt the same self loathing, that some defect in her couldn’t allow her to share pleasure with me. If I didn’t want to be Al Bundy she definitely didn’t want to be Peg. Every chore by me was just a reminder of her inability to perform her end of the movie happy ending marriage, every advance was just a reminder she was stuck in sitcom marriage hell. So we did work on it together and still do, as two people still in love but with a disability we can’t repair. Once you’ve had the kind of sex that sex is meant to be you don’t need to spice anything up, plain ol’ normal sex is fine because its the feeling inside you are chasing. While my story hasn’t ended yet as we are both still together and ticking I can’t say that I hold much hope for a fix. Something approaching an equivalent might be if some car accident paralyzed me from the waist down, despite a mental desire the physical end just wont hold up, and while I could use any manner of contrived devices to make some fumbling attempt at mimicking the act it just wont be the same.
I do wish the best for you, and for some people this curse never sets in. I hope if you choose to marry that you always feel that passion that makes sex feel like this is what sex is supposed to be. But my situation is probably similar for most of these other husbands, meaning there are reasonable odds for reasons we have no clue you might find yourself frigid.
Raison d'être
Accueillir les personnes, écouter leurs besoins et accompagner leur intégration et leur autonomie dans le réseau
Exemples d'actions
- Ecrire des guides pour utiliser les différentes applications
- Répondre aux questions sur le forum de discussion
- Poster des questions/réponses dans la "Foire aux questions"
- Organiser des permanences régulières où on peut venir poser des questions
- ...
Raison d'être
En adéquation avec nos valeurs, accueillir les personnes telles qu'elles sont, écouter leurs besoins, les encourager à partager leurs richesses, et accompagner leur intégration et leur autonomie dans le réseau.
Redevabilités
- S'assurer que chaque message sur contact@bienvenuechezmoi.org soit traité
I appreciate your honest opinions as they are very insightful, if fucking disappointing.
Don’t get me wrong, I always pay on a first date and always assume I’ll be picking up the check on subsequent dates as that’s always the smart play, but Cali, if your offer to pay is insincere, don’t make the offer, especially if you will be offended if he accepts. That is not being polite. That’s playing games.
Reply
Cali Bradshaw
March 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm #
Fair enough. Perhaps offended wasn’t the correct word. Maybe just bummed. Because to me, that would say that this guy isn’t trying to impress me and that doesn’t bode well for the future of our relationship. Thanks for your comment and your perspective.
Reply
yohami
March 21, 2011 at 5:27 pm #
girls want equality when its about the earnings, not the spendings
fall of chivalry = raise of feminism
you cant keep the old fashioned men and the modern woman together. short story: men will get hurt, women will feel unsatisfied
if you do get to a point where you are toe-toe with a big major male CEO, chances are you will have lost all of your feminine attributes
anyway: of course the male has to put energy into courtship, and when its well put and wanted, it does make you feel special. thats how it works in nature and works with us. so, I do usually pay for stuff, but I keep my eye on whether its taken as a “gift” or if its taken for granted
I have seen so many guys paying for everything (compensating) and getting nothing out of it
I love Fall. I mean I really, really love Fall. I love the crisp air, the leaves changing colors, the pumpkins on porch steps, the hay bales, Halloween...all of it. I have always loved Fall, honestly because I know that's when hockey starts, but for many other reasons as well. I have never been one to enjoy truly hot weather, although I'm learning to, so Fall to me was a welcome break from Summer.
Having my days free with the kids has been a blessing these last 3 years. It means that during the summer I am free to hang in their pool with them, teaching Emma how to swim and working on my tan. Okay, the tan is still non-existent since my skin tone is more my Irish side than my Greek side. Oh well. Anyway...it also allows me to get out in the Fall and enjoy this wonderful weather.
it doesn't get much more stunning than this
Admittedly it hasn't been very Fall-ish recently since we have had temperatures in the 70s the last couple of days. I'm NOT complaining though. The kids and I went on a play date with Re and the kids she nanny's for on Monday. We walked to the playground and enjoyed the fresh air. On the way home they jumped and waded through huge leaf piles and it looked like so much fun I was tempted to join in. Do you remember what that was like? The pure, unadulterated joy of jumping in a leaf pile!? It's the greatest.
Re's son and Emma enjoying the leaves-sorry whoever raked them so nicely!
Today I went with the kids to another park with Re and her son (sans the kids she nanny's for) and it was amazing. The trees have really started to turn colors and while it wasn't a cool crisp Fall day...the weather was beautiful (if a little cloudy) and we enjoyed several hours of just running around and enjoying the amazing time together.
come on...perfect huh!?
I love the hot apple cider, the hayrides, the picking your own apples. I love the smell of fireplaces warming up a cozy family room. I love when you walk outside and take a deep breath and see it puff out on your exhale. I love bundling up with my cup of tea and watching the leaves dance down to the earth. It's just so beautiful. For those of you not living in an area where you get 4 seasons...I'm sorry...because it is absolutely magical. Hope the pictures cheered you up though.
I think that a man who enjoys you enough intellectually to chat with you for the length of three movies AND finds you attractive would not be restrained from hollering because you are a feminist. Now, if we are discussing brothers who would rather enter long term relationships with women who aren’t their intellectual peers, I can see that. But I just feel like in this case, there was either a lack of attraction or some ineptitude in macking game on one or both parties parts. Was there flirting? Or just debating?
Simon
July 15, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Well stated Ms. Grundy. I agree. I’m attracted to women with intellectual heft, lessons from my mother. Patriarchal privilege doesn’t apply here. Bell Hooks criticized Cornell West for the same thing. Feminist entitlement on display. My feminist friends have no problem initiating sex with men they intellectually engage.
Dumi
July 15, 2010 at 12:23 pm
I gotta disagree with you “Brandon St. Randy” the piece really gets at a deeper questions in terms of what role one’s ideology plays in shaping desire.
The way to “answer it’ (if we believe it could be answered) would be to look at the marginal effect. What’s the intersection of ideology and outward aesthetic. If a sister is a “feminist” and say “aight” in the looks department, does she get passed over more quickly than a woman who is a “patriarchy advocate” and aight? I venture to think the patriarchy advocate would get more play or is less likely to get placed in the “friend slot.” But I don’t think we can easily measure that stuff and i’m not sure how much we get from debating that hypothetical.
For me, the tension really comes at the end when she talking about what is “real exploitation.” It dances a dangerous line in terms of classifying oppressions as authentic or inauthentic. I lean towards Lorde when she said, “there is no hierarchy of oppressions.” but at the same time can see where Sai is coming from.
In the end, it’s all about working on multiple fronts to right wrongs, wrongs that are all relatively defined. Glad her commentary was added to the dialogue.
Raison d'être
En s’appuyant sur nos expériences et les besoins qui émergent, contribuer à insuffler de la vitalité aux réseaux humains par l’élaboration, le développement, la mise à disposition et l’aide à l’appropriation d’outils d’animation.
Résumé
Depuis cet été, grâce à une subvention de NLnet obtenue dans le cadre du programme NGI0 Entrust Fund, nous travaillons sur la version 2.0 d’ActivityPods, avec une sortie prévue au printemps 2024. Cet article a pour objectif d’expliquer ce travail de fond et ses enjeux.
Billet
En préambule, il nous semble important de préciser que, lors du développement de la première version d’ActivityPods, nous avons dû faire des choix que nous savions ne pas être “scalables” ou sécurisés. Mais notre volonté à ce moment était de sortir des applications fonctionnelles dans un temps relativement court. La v1 a en effet été développée bénévolement fin 2021 sur une durée de 3 mois, et nos finances ne nous permettaient pas, à ce moment, d’en faire plus.
Cette stratégie fut un succès: sur la région de Compiègne, les applications Bienvenue chez moi et L’Entraide sont aujourd’hui utilisées par une communauté d’environ 500 personnes, qui ont chacune un Pod – parfois sans le savoir ! Depuis 2 ans, les performances ont toujours été bonnes, il n’y a eu que quelques bugs, et surtout cela a permis de tester l’architecture avec un cas concret.
Néanmoins il reste quelques problèmes fondamentaux qu’il est important de régler, comme nous allons le voir maintenant.
Des applications externalisées
Dans la v1, les applications ActivityPods sont uniquement frontend, et elles comptent sur du code backend se trouvant dans l’hébergeur de Pods (donc dans le dépôt principal d’ActivityPods) pour gérer correctement certains “effets secondaires” qui ne peuvent être gérés par le frontend.
Par exemple, lorsqu’un événement sur Bienvenue chez moi atteint le nombre de participants maximum, il est marqué comme “fermé” et les invités ne peuvent plus s’inscrire. Autre cas de figure: pour une application Open Badges que nous avons développée dans le cadre du projet ActivityBadges, la génération d’Open Badges ne peut se faire que côté backend. Pour le moment, c’est donc à l’hébergeur de Pod de gérer ça.
Cette solution n’est clairement pas scalable puisque, si une nouvelle application est déployée (ou mise à jour), il faut impérativement que tous les hébergeurs de Pods mettent à jour ActivityPods. Cela implique une coordination et une confiance qui est possible sur un petit terrain d’expérimentation, mais inenvisageable à plus grande échelle.
Dans la v2, les applications auront toutes une partie backend où se trouvera le code qui leur est spécifique. Cette partie backend comprendra a minima un acteur ActivityPub pour l’application, qui pourra ainsi communiquer avec les Pods (également acteurs ActivityPub).
Nous allons utiliser une partie de la spec interopérabilité de Solid pour permettre aux applications de s’enregistrer auprès du Pod et déclarer leurs besoins d’accès. Pour le moment, l’enregistrement passera par ActivityPub car c’est le plus simple avec notre architecture actuelle. Nous attendons que cette spec soit terminée pour nous y conformer entièrement.
La partie backend aura la possibilité d’écouter ce qui se passe sur le Pod et d’y réagir. En passant par les notifications Solid et des canaux websocket, elle pourra écouter l’inbox et l’outbox ActivityPub de l’utilisateur. Lorsque l’utilisateur créera ou mettra à jour une donnée sur son Pod, cela sera indiqué dans le flux d’activité de son outbox afin de faciliter cette écoute.
Finalement, la partie backend pourra envoyer des notifications à l’utilisateur, en réaction à certaines activités (p.ex. la réception d’une invitation à un événement). Cette notification sera simplement une Note envoyée via ActivityPub à l’utilisateur, qui pourra être transformée en un email ou une notification web push.
Des containers et collections plus flexibles
Dans la v1, les containers LDP contenant les ressources ne pouvaient pas être créés par les applications ou les utilisateurs: il fallait que l’hébergeur de Pods déclare les containers. C’est un problème similaire au précédent, qui était dû à l’architecture trop rigide de SemApps, la boîte à outils sémantique sur laquelle s’appuie ActivityPods.
Le problème a été fixé cet automne côté SemApps, qui est maintenant capable de détecter les containers à la volée selon les données présentes dans le triple store. Cela va permettre une gestion plus flexible des containers LDP, qui pourront être créés dynamiquement selon les besoins.
Ce qui est prévu pour le moment, c’est que les applications déclareront, lors de leur enregistrement, le type de ressources qu’elles souhaitent utiliser (en lecture et/ou en écriture). Cela créera automatiquement un container correspondant, si le container n’existe pas déjà, et les permissions adéquates seront données aux applications concernées. L’utilisateur devra donner son consentement via un écran dédié.
L'écran d'autorisation dans ActivityPods 2.0
Concernant les collections ActivityStreams, très utilisées par ActivityPub et que nous trouvons très pratiques pour indexer des données, le problème est similaire: dans la v1, les applications peuvent déclarer des collections “custom” qui vont s’attacher automatiquement à certains type de ressources, mais la déclaration se fait dans l’hébergeur de Pod grâce à un service interne.
La solution envisagée pour le moment est de développer une API permettant aux applications (désormais externes) de créer elles-mêmes des collections et d’y ajouter ou enlever des éléments. Cette API n’existe pas dans la spécification ActivityPub, mais il y a des propositions qui vont dans ce sens et nous avons l’intention d’y contribuer.
Des token spécifiques et une authentification plus sécurisée
Le dernier gros point noir de la v1 concerne la sécurité. Chaque token émis actuellement donne accès à l’ensemble des données de l’utilisateur, en lecture et écriture. Si une application malicieuse (ou un hacker) récupère ce token, elle peut prendre le contrôle du Pod de l’utilisateur, et potentiellement tout y effacer.
Nous n’étions également pas satisfaits de la manière non-standard et peu sécurisée dont on gérait l’authentification. Les token JWT que nous générions fonctionnaient bien dans une architecture simple de type backend-frontend, mais la sécurité pour une architecture multi-applications était insuffisante.
Cet automne, nous avons donc pris le temps d’étudier les standards OAuth 2.0 et OIDC, notamment grâce à un excellent cours en ligne. Cela nous a permis de mieux comprendre la spécification Solid-OIDC, que nous avions ignorée jusqu’à maintenant faute de temps-cerveau disponible.
Une petite partie de Solid-OIDC …
Il manque encore l’utilisation du protocole DPoP pour la requête de données. En attendant, nous utilisons l’ID token retourné par le serveur. C’est une mauvaise pratique mais l’intérêt est qu’il contient l’identifiant de l’utilisateur ET de l’application, ce qui permet de limiter l’accès aux données que l’application a le droit de manipuler (pour requêter des resources sur un serveurs distants, il faut toujours passer par un endpoint proxy).
Si le temps et les moyens le permettent, nous finaliserons l’implémentation de Solid-OIDC pour la sortie de la v2, ce qui permettrait à n’importe quelle application Solid de se connecter sur les Pods ActivityPods. L’autre avantage est que les composants frontend de SemApps deviendraient ainsi compatibles Solid, ouvrant leur usage à toute sa communauté !
Le bonus: Mastopod
L’équipe de NLnet a accepté d’inclure dans le financement un développement que nous souhaitons faire depuis longtemps: une application compatible avec toutes les instances Mastodon, mais qui aura la particularité d’héberger les données sur un Pod. Cette application a un nom tout trouvé: Mastopod.
Un Mastopod, d’après l’AI générative
Nous pensons que Mastopod suscitera beaucoup d’intérêt au sein de la communauté ActivityPub. Les développeurs réaliseront qu’avec l’aide du framework ActivityPods, il est très facile de créer des applications compatibles ActivityPub puisque tout le fonctionnement de base (inbox, outbox, authentification, etc.) est déjà géré par le backend. Il n’y a plus qu’à s’occuper de ce qui est spécifique à l’application.
Et surtout, l’utilisateur n’a pas à se recréer un profil et retrouver ses contacts à chaque fois qu’il utilise un nouvel outil, comme c’est le cas actuellement (il faut un compte pour Mastodon, un compte pour Peertube, un compte pour Pixelfed…) Grâce à l’architecture en Pod, il pourra retrouver immédiatement toutes ses données et ses contacts.
Raison d'être
Contribuer à diffuser nos valeurs dans d’autres régions et pays à travers les rencontres, le partage de pratiques et tout autre forme d’entraide afin de propulser la création d’une nouvelle société et d’un nouveau monde.
Redevabilités
- S’assurer qu’une réponse soit faite à toute demande des autres régions et pays
Raison d'être
Des réunions fluides et efficaces lors desquelles chacun peut s'exprimer
Redevabilités
- Accompagner le collectif dans l’apprentissage et l’appropriation de la GP
- Fixer les dates des différentes réunions, selon le rythme décidé par le collectif
1. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason to the way I react when hearing about a person dying. None whatsoever. It’s completely unpredictable, completely arbitrary, and completely dependent on… whatever the hell it’s dependent on. I have absolutely no clue, and I’ve stopped trying to figure it out. There have been times when a one paragraph long news story about some random area murder induced tears and haunted me for weeks, and other times when family members have passed and the only time I got worked up was when I forced myself to get worked up because I felt bad that I hadn’t.
This “reaction unpredictability” extends to celebrities as well. I felt nothing when Michael Jackson — a person who I was a huge fan of — died, but the deaths of Amy Winehouse — a person I was “eh” about — and Patrice O’Neal still resonate with me. I still can’t listen to “Rehab” or watch “Elephant in The Room” without getting chills.
Knowing how unpredictable I can be about this should make me immune to surprise. I mean, If I’m capable of any reaction, there shouldn’t be a reaction that surprises me. Despite this, I was (and still am) surprised at how affected I was by the news of Whitney Houston’s death (When first clicking the TMZ link to the news of her death, I literally stared at my monitor with my mouth agape for two minutes and could see my heart beating through my shirt) and how interested I was in the goings-on (and the public’s feelings about the goings-on) of her funeral.
Although I wasn’t able to catch the first hour and a half or so (I started watching when Stevie Wonder was singing), I sat there captivated like I was watching the 4th quarter of game seven of the NBA finals. And, as if this captivation wasn’t enough, I logged on to Twitter and Facebook to basically give myself a sensory overload.
I don’t know what any of this means, or why I even felt the need to share it. I don’t know. I do know that it’s been (over) a week and I’m still surprised that I still don’t feel any different.
2. There have been myriad different accounts of the events that led to Bobby Brown leaving (or getting kicked out of) Whitney’s funeral, so I won’t go into any of them. I will say, though, that I feel worse for him than for anyone else who was in Whitney’s life. Losing your ex-wife (a woman I’m sure he still loved and may have still been in love with) is bad enough, but being the popular scapegoat for the decades-long spiral leading to her early death has to be a bitch of a burden to carry. History will not look kindly on him. Regardless of what he does for the rest of his life, his primary legacy will be that he, to put it bluntly, killed Whitney Houston.
Now, whether this legacy is actually fair is another question. We assume that Bobby was the bad influence, but while Whitney was America’s Sweetheart, she wasn’t exactly an angel herself. Also, as influential as Clive Davis was reported to be in her life, who’s to say that he didn’t have a hand in her downfall?
Obviously, this is all speculation. None of us know exactly what led to Whitney’s substance abuse problems. And, since none of us know, perhaps we should place a collective moratorium on “Blame Bobby.”
3. I happened to be at my parent’s house when the funeral was being aired. When R.Kelly came to the podium, all three of us said “Wait. Is that R.Kelly???” at the exact same time. No bullsh*t.
And (in my best Forrest Gump voice), “That’s all I’m going to say about that.”
4. I know many people had an issue with some of the “So, America, make sure you’re recording so you can see how these exotic-ass Negros celebrate the dead” -ey comments from some of the non-black members of the news media covering the event. In particular, Piers Morgan sounded like he was covering at an event at Jurassic Park.
I didn’t have a problem with this, though. I mean, aside from random Nike commercials and Tyler Perry movies (which white people don’t watch anyway), this probably was the first time many of them had seen a homegoing at a black baptist church, and I think most of the non-white reporters found the proper mix of reverence, respect, and curiosity.
Also, aside from the celebrities involved, Whitney’s ceremony wasn’t all that atypical. Seriously, if you substituted “random white co-worker who seems out of place but makes up for it with a poignant speech” for “Kevin Costner,” “aunt who does her thing on the organ even though she tends to forget words to certain songs” for “Stevie Wonder,” and “neighborhood family who no one wants to fight because there’s like 25737848 of those motherf*ckers and you know if you fight one, you’ll have to fight them all” for “The Winans,” this funeral was probably exactly like any other baptist funeral any one reading this has ever been to.
5. I’m not sure if the fact that I simultaneously ”experienced” the funeral with over a thousand others on Twitter — all with their own running commentary about the event — was a good or a bad thing. Actually, I’m pretty certain it’s neither. It’s not disrespectful or distant or progressive or indicative of anything, either. It just is. That’s just the way we deal with things today. While other generations had their own forms of collective consumption, we just do it in real time.
6. So, ever since a certain post I wrote a few weeks ago, I’ve been more willing to let certain people take a look at articles I write before I submit them, just in case they pick up on something that I may have missed. Don’t fret. You’re not going to get a neutered Champ or anything. This is something I’ve always done. Just do it a little more often now.
Anyway, last Friday, I let one of these friends see an article I wrote for Ebony about Chris Brown. That article contained a somewhat off-color joke about Tyler Perry. Her response:
“I dont usually discourage Tyler Perry jabs, but this mtherfer just flew Whitney Houston’s body to her family in his private jet. HE ALWAYS DOES THIS SH*T. Like, whenever I want to take a shot at him, he adopts some orphan or saves a kitten or some sh*t and makes me feel bad afterwards. Anyway, you should probably leave that out.”
Description
Framasoft, c’est une association d’éducation populaire, un groupe d’ami·es convaincu·es qu’un monde numérique émancipateur est possible, persuadé·es qu’il adviendra grâce à des actions concrètes sur le terrain et en ligne avec vous et pour vous !
55Tes July 18, 2011 at 8:45 am drops a five in the tip jar
Thats for back advice-age ;)
Reply
56SmartFoxGirl July 18, 2011 at 11:01 am
Truth.com! I notice certain men do that with me, give me back handed compliments. I can almost sniff out the type. They’re usually alphas immature. Why not just say how you (not you) feel? No backhand necessary. I don’t get that at all. To me, it shows insecurity.
Reply
57Mr. Wee Thomas July 18, 2011 at 1:14 pm
None of what you described were backhanded compliments. You are just apparently “talking” to him while you work out. Not really the time or place to call someone sexy. You want those compliments, take him out for drinks at happy hour while you wear something else.
And not that this is exactly what is happening, but until I’ve either seen a woman in sexy lingerie or some other attire deserving of that compliment, she will not hear those words out of my mouth with respect to gym clothes. Workout sexy is only for women with whom you are already sleeping with, or making an attempt for the one time after workout delight.
Reply
58SmartFoxGirl July 18, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Dang, tell em how you really feel. lol I’m assuming this is for Amarie but I want to respectfully disagree with you. Guys do give women compliments at the gym, grocery store, gas station, etc. As a matter of fact, I get more compliments at the gym than the grocery store. It really doesn’t matter the time or the place. Either way, I don’t think the setting was her issue but what he said. Most women are smart enough to read a back handed compliment for what it is. I don’t care if a man said it to me at dinner, it’s not nice and he should do better.
Reply
59Mr. Wee Thomas July 18, 2011 at 9:38 pm
That is my point. There is a difference between the comments you would get if a guy was making an honest approach versus not. “Hey sexy girl” at the gym belongs to the latter.
I have always been jealous of women with good hair. As a kid I had hair so long I would sit on it in school and yell at the kid behind me for pulling it. It was a medium blonde shade and beautifully wavy. Somewhere along the line hormones and genetics caused my gorgeous hair to convert to a mass of dark brown curls. I’m talking curls!
I'm only about 2 here-by 7 it was long enough to pull the curls into waves.
and yes...I'm pinching my own adorable cheeks! ;-)
It took a while…a long while and a lot of tears but I love my curls now. I have embraced them and I think they are sexy. Despite the fact that study after study have reported that men prefer straight haired women (abc news did a study that showed the same woman pictured with straight and curly hair received higher marks from men when she had straight hair-here’s the link) over curly haired. Sure it takes a little extra prep time to get ready to head out and yes, I check the weather and the humidity levels before deciding to wear my hair up or down.
By the way-straightening my hair is not an option for me. I know plenty of women who say that they love to straighten their hair (my sisters included) and I think they are insane! My hair is thick and insanely curly and the few times I’ve let people straighten my hair…it takes FOREVER and at the slightest hint of moisture it curls again…why freaking bother!
My hair is no a brush and go kind of thing. My hair gets brushed ONLY when wet. That’s just the way curly hair works. You see my hair is full on individual ringlets; beautiful spirals of silky dark brown hair that shine in the sun. That’s my hair. Those ringlets are say 20-40 hairs thick, coiled around each other in a lovely way, embracing one another and when that ringlet is brushed out those hairs separate and a white girl afro appears in that ringlets place. It is NOT pretty!
Rachelle Leferve:nice ringlets
ringlets brushed out...you see what I'm saying now!?
While I wish my hair was the kind a man could run his fingers through, it just isn’t. When the little girl I nanny for wants to play and brush my hair I have a mini panic attack. When guys want to pull on my curls and run their hand over my hair I want to slap their hand away. I am very aware of my hair and how it looks, all the time. I am wary of frizz; it is my arch nemesis. I cannot stand when my hair frizzes. I take pride in my curls and the thought of frizz makes me cringe.
If I’m in a relationship with somebody then chances are they have seen me in the morning or after being caught in the rain and therefore witnessed the afro so I’m not as worried but for the average guy at a bar just talking to me…if you try to touch my hair you WILL lose a hand. Period.
Don’t ask, “Is your hair naturally curly?” then reach out to touch it before waiting for a response! Yes, yes it is and it’s temperamental so lay off. Do not coo, “Oh my gosh, look at that precious ringlet! It’s so tight and bouncy!” and then tug it down to watch it spring back up. That is only fun for you and will seriously piss me off.* Do not say, “Do you know how much I’d pay for curls like that!?” and then pet my head…I don’t care if you have to pay for it…I have to manage it, get off!
There are times when I don’t care if you touch my hair. If we are having sex…by all means get in there! I love well placed tugs and pulls on my hair and don’t care if you turn into Vidal Sassoon in order to get a better view of me going down on you. If it’s already humid out and it’s beyond help anyway then you’re safe. If we aren’t going out and you want to play go ahead…as long as I don’t need to be seen in public I’m cool. If I’m actively puking feel free to pull that shit back for me or stroke my hair. If we are kissing and you want to frame my face or tuck it behind my ear (at any time) I’m fine with it. When it’s wet it’s fair game.
Okay…now I sound psychotic…in reality I am mostly talk and have never lashed out at anyone who touched my hair…but I’ve wanted to. And little kids with brushes who want to play with it really does make me panic. I sometimes wish it was nice and straight and smooth and guys could run their hands through it without getting their hand stuck in it but that’s just not my lot in life. I wish it was something I didn’t have to think about but it is. I am at a point where I’m not going to kill myself 45 minutes to an hour a day to make it straight, damaging my hair in the process, and then obsessing over if it’s straight enough. My hair is curly, it’s always been wavy/curly and it always will be.
And that ladies and gentlemen is my totally random and crazy hair rant. If you are wondering what brought this on…it was a 3 yr old who, in trying to comfort me because I had a headache, stroked my hair (up in a loose ponytail) forward instead of back causing my hair to riot…and me to cry…yes I cried. Later in the day she wanted to brush her dolls hair and have her hair braided, which I did, and then she wanted to braid mine and I had a mini-stroke but let her…and this post was born. Have a wonderful day everyone—I hope it’s a good hair day for my lovely lady followers.
And I thought I was the only one, so thank you for this!
It’s disgusting to see Facebook PDA in statuses, wallposts, photos and even the fan pages they like! I mean, I get that you’re in love but honestly, do you have to announce it to the cyber world?
Being a fifteen-turning-sixteen year old who the vast majority of her friends are teenagers, I think I’m the only exception of my Facebook friends who becomes miffed off when I see, “Happy 3 months to me and my boyfwend!!!!!! I love him so much, he is my life!!!!!!! (Insert loveheart sign)”. Enough said.
I like to think that my boyfriend and I are different. He actually made me promise to not become lovey dovey on Facebook, and I agreed. I have never written on his wall, written a status about him, etc., and vice versa. People think that we don’t like each other because of this, but I think we’re just wise. Still, we talk to each other on the phone, via texts, see each other at school and out of school and that’s the way you carry out a relationship and be lovey dovey with each other, not over damn Facebook!
Thank you Cali, for this post and for giving me a reason to vent!
Haha nope! As you can see from the 34 comments, there are quite a few people who feel like this. And actually, this post is my most popular of all time… almost 10,000 views. So, yea, def not along on that one :) Glad to hear you are so wise at the age of 15, tho! I certainly was not… That sort of self assurance will take you far in life. I hope you hold onto it!
How My Year Has Started Off in the Online Dating World…Are men just getting more bold or do they literally just not give a fuck about anything? Yes, this is the only thought going through my mind as I scan my inbox on my online dating apps… Here are a few
How My Year Has Started Off in the Online Dating World…Are men just getting more bold or do they literally just not give a fuck about anything? Yes, this is the only thought going through my mind as I scan my inbox on my online dating apps… Here are a few
Are men just getting more bold or do they literally just not give a fuck about anything? Yes, this is the only thought going through my mind as I scan my inbox on my online dating apps… Here are a few gems to give you an idea.
Lets start with Bryan (with a Y):
Bryan is 37 and his profile only reads “no hook ups please.” So, my first thought is FINALLY someone who doesn’t JUST want to sleep with me. WOO HOO! Then, we had this conversation…
12-27-14
Me: H! Just wanted to say hi. How were the holidays?
12-30-14
Bryan: Well, I’m in Jamaica at the moment.
Me: I’m jealous. It’s currently freezing in LA right now!
12-31-14
Bryan: It’s ok. I’ll be home soon to keep you warm… if that sounds good to you? Maybe some big spoon, little spoon? 🙂
Me: (I’m thinking… Aw, cute!) Sounds good!
Bryan: Wanna text till then? I could use more sexy selfies of you 😉 (DERAILED! DERAILED!)
1-1-15
Me: (Trying to get things back on track…) Happy New Year! How was it?
Bryan: Heyyyyyyyyy
(Me: Ok, well that doesn’t even deserve a response.)
1-3-15
Me: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner. You ready to come home? How was your trip?
1-5-15
Me: Hey big spoon, welcome home! Maybe a drink this week?
1-7-15
Bryan: How bout some naughtiness?
Me: Really? I’m not gonna lie. I’m bummed. I’ve seen you on a few dating sites over the last few years and always though “that guy’s cute!” I was excited when we matched and started chatting. I even messaged to see if you wanted to get a drink this week, So, you can how I’m a little disappointed when the guy who has “no hook ups please” on his profile ignores all of the nice things I’ve said and asks for sexy selfies and naughtiness. I’m down with those things after a while… but really? I’m the kinda girl you bring to meet your friends and family.
I wait patiently for 48 hours to see if he’ll man up and say anything. No response. I unmatch.
Then, there’s this guy… 0% match, no picture and 10 years older than me.
Want kids with you guyAnd Shawn…
Shawn OKC 1-15
Shawn profile 1-15
* Please note… bigger is better and bonus points if you have blond hair or have big boobs. After his message and reading his profile I didn’t find Shawn interesting and/or cute.
I was NOT going to let this get me down, so I started chatting with a new match on Tinder. Bo (yes, he has a dog name, but looked cute!). Bo and I messaged for 3 days. Until… he asked me if I had instagram. I told him yes, but it was private because I have nieces and nephews and prefer to keep my personal life outside of work private. 5 minutes later… he unmatched us.
Last week I had not 1, but 2 what I thought were good matches!
And that leads me to Adam. 33. Lives in the South Bay (the beach in LA). Pictures of him surfing, playing with kids in some third world country, etc.
Me: Hey there!
Adam: Hey there. What are you looking for on here? (Ps. His profile says he’s Christian and I didn’t hold that against him!)
Me: I know I’m the minority… I’m actually always looking for the one. If I wanted a hook up that’s much easier to find. And if I can’t find the one right now, someone fun to hang out with who thinks I’m cute and fun too isn’t a bad runner-up.
Adam: I think there is a mixed bag on here of what people want. I think you are hot. And… you love wine so that’s a win.
Me: You’re pretty cute yourself. So, what are you looking for on here? And yes, I’m a wine fan.
Adam: So, I’m very open to meeting someone on here that could turn into something serious. I guess I just never imagined meeting my wife on tinder.
Blah, blah, blah… we talked about sides of town, hobbies, etc. Then this weekend I get this…
Adam: FYI. I’m prob getting off this tinder thing. I think my motives were pretty shallow in joining.
Me: Haha! Okay then! So, no drink?
Adam: I’m just not sure.
Me: Wanna give me more info?
This was yesterday. This morning he had disappeared from my matches. Are you singing “another one bites the dust” like I am right now? #newthemesong
Last, but not least, we have Chuck. 32 and oh so nice, yet oh so far away.
Chuck: Well hello there! You seem like you could be very genuine and sweet and you wear that smile so well. What’s your favorite ice cream and why? (You guys, he seriously wanted to know what kind of ice cream I like. It’s not a sexual innuendo!)
Me: I’m a McConnell’s mint chip kinda girl. It’s tastes how ice cream is supposed to taste. You?
Chuck: Haha! Nice! I like Rocky Road because I love peanuts and the marshmallows set it off (Now as I write this, this convo makes us seem like we’re in the 5th grade.) I’d love to take you out sometime. When’s the last time you had yourself a fun and respectful date?
Me: I honestly can’t remember! How sad is that? Where in LA are you?
Chuck: Burbank. Wait… where are you?
Me: Santa Monica.
Chuck: Ohhhh! I didn’t realize until JUST NOW that this app searches in relation to your “current” location as opposed to where you live. I live in AZ. I’m here in Burbank at the airport heading home from a work trip.
Me: Well, there you go! You were far too nice and tame to be in LA. Good luck finding love in AZ and safe travels!
Chuck: Well, this sucks! You seem very sweet.
And there you have it. My dating life is not starting a bang. It’s starting with a thud… but, at least it’s active!
If you have any good dating gems I want to hear them! Email me! mylifeonmatch@gmail.com
I look at everyone as my lovers, inspiring me day by day to become who I need to be. I see you and I see me in you. I learn from you as I learn about you.
Love is but the sweetest magic around us. Fulfills the very part of our souls that seeks growth. Love can not grow by us being segregated, selfish or in any ABOUT ME state of mind. Love grows best in an nurturing environment in which it’s cared for and driven to evolve.
Without love we can’t grow, we can’t decide that success will follow us . Money, riches, fame comes to those who are in love. Those who attract love and attract bliss attract success!!!
Have u ever seen the eyes of a child and imagine why is it that everything is so simple to them? They are pure at heart, not conditioned to think about our societies rules or worries. They are able to see love freely and to move around the world in such a carefree loving way.
If being in love has hurt you in the past let it grow, notice I didn’t say let it go, let that pain grow, feel every emotion it creates and then think about the good. How good it felt to be in love, how everything seemed to slow down or stop when love was present. How no matter what went wrong in other aspects of your life it didn’t matter because you knew your lover would be there to make it better.
Love is intuitive, it knows which path to take you at the right time in life. It’s ability to guide you is superior to anyone’s advice. If it’s guidance is allowed, you will notice how you grow and move differently. In this state, life is not a strugle but a mere road to travel. Time is no longer your enemy but a friend to enjoy fully and tactfully.
Love is a true divine being. Our Creator left us with no other rule but to love each other. Knowing that with love we would accomplish anything we put our hearts to. ANYTHING!!
Our bodies are made for love. Our arms wrap around us in a firm hug. Our eyes connect and speak with no words. Our ears, nose, and lips hear smell and kiss our loved ones making our heart beat faster and skip. Our sensual organs fit in a way only two perfect puzzle pieces could. A connection of energies and bliss. Our orgasms created in love allow for our success In life. Movement and sound created in love is divine.
Come lovers unite, let our hearts be childish again and trust our ability to evolve in love.
April 1, 2011 at 7:25 am #
I have seen it time and time again. What it has to do with is this: If a man likes you, he is generous with you. It doesn’t matter if it’s 500 dollars or a dollar. When guys don’t want to take you out – within their means, they really don’t like you. If they don’t have money, they will give you flowers they picked or write a song for you. If he starts talking about liberated women and money, he may not have much respect for women – or at least not for you. If he just wants you to come over so you can do it without taking you out, he probably doesn’t like you. If he does like you, he will offer to pay as soon as the check hits the table. (See @MGS) @Gav – that’s one way of finding out if she really likes you and it was a gamble for her that she ended up in a relationship. It’s one I wouldn’t be willing to take, but I’m really, really old fashioned and it’s very, very upseting for me to deal with hookup offers but very few date offers.
Reply
Cali Bradshaw
April 4, 2011 at 2:51 pm #
Thanks for the comment! You are quite right, if a guy likes you he is generous regardless of his means. He wants to impress you and one (of many) ways he does that is by offering to take you out. He can also open doors, compliment you, hold your hand, etc…
I was watching How I Met Your Mother the other day and there was a scene where Ted, the future husband to the aforementioned mother, pathetically laments to Stella, his ex-fiancee who left him at the altar:
Now, up until this point, Ted’s seemingly been having the time of his life bouncing between bouts of singledom and long-term relationships. Sure, that sounds a bit like me. I just lean heavy on the bouts of singledom. I never really thought much of it.
…Until he says, “I’m tired of waiting.” And you know what? So am I. I want to connect with someone. I miss the feeling of perpetual giddyness. Shit, I miss feelings. I miss being irrationally happy or irrationally sad over insignificant issues, and forcing myself to get a grip.
But it’s tough to admit out loud, and nearly impossible to convey to my dates or potential partners. (Especially without sounding desperate and crazy). I want to be in love—that’s not the same as wanting to be in a relationship. If I just wanted a boyfriend, I’d have shacked up with that guy from the dog park years ago and we’d have rode our mundane lives off into the sunset.
Then, without even realizing it, one of my perpetual bachelor friends recently slapped me with some perspective: “It’s not serious until its serious,” he says.
Let us remember that good, solid relationships happen organically. Of course, they take work and effort, but there’s a natural quality you just can’t fake.
So for those of us working hard and getting out there, but still feeling a bit jaded, let’s take a breather and remember to enjoy the ride. Nit-picking over all the rules and regulations of dating may have us too much up in our own heads, and we might be missing a great connection before they’ve even had a chance to meet us.
He’s out there, and according to Stella, he’s getting here as fast as he can,
Laney.
I’m not sure what’s going on. A common theme amongst all my new leads lately is this:
Things go really well when we meet, they seem into me
Texts seem to go fairly well the first time I hit them up
They start to fade – excuses for not being able to meet up, flaking, or just out-and-out ignoring my texts
This shit continues to happen…. and has now happened with:
Nola
Short Model
All four strong leads from the weekend I fucked “Shit Talker”, including this one
Dancer/Model/Psych Chick
Huge IOI Girl
The 9 That Called Me An Asshole
Both of the last two girls I number closed on OkCupid
The Pre-Med Girl I Gamed In Front of My Parents
And, now… both Sweet Pea and The Nurse
So, basically the last 15 chicks that I’ve number closed AND felt really strongly about…. have all basically disappeared and I’ve never gotten even one date with any of them….
I honestly don’t know where the problem lies, but I admit I’m getting a bit frustrated by it…
Here’s the text transcript with The Nurse following my drunken night by the pool…
Nurse: It was nice meeting you last night 9:54 AM
Me: Yeah, you seem like you might be a cool chick… 12:43 PM
Nurse: haha yeah, you seem pretty cool yourself :) 1:46 PM
Me: Of course, of course. What you getting into this week? 3:30 PM
Nurse: Not much just work :/ wbu? 3:53 PM
Me: Work and I have a close friend that I plan to catch up with a some point. Where do you work? 4:12 PM
Nurse: That’s what’s up, I work at [hospital], I have an internship with them as a student nurse, I’m in nursing school right now. Where is it that you work again?4:35 PM
Me: I work in [details...] 5:09 PM
Nurse: 5:23 PM [She sent a blank text... what the fuck is that?]
Me: The last text you sent was blank… 5:52 PM
Nurse: Oops sorry about that, but that’s cool, do you like it? 5:53 PM
Me: Yeah its cool, get to learn a lot about business working for clients in different industries… How do you like nursing? 6:23 PM
Nurse: That’s neat, sounds interesting. I love it, its hard work but I enjoy it 8:23 PM
Me: Thats cool…they got you working those crazy nurse hours? 9:30 PM
Nurse: Not too too bad, but I work 7-7 though, its exhasuting sometimes 10:22 PM
I didn’t respond until the next morning…
Me: 7-7 gets exhausting? You better get that stamina up if you trying to be a nurse 10:40 AM
Nurse: Haha yeah it can be after moving around for 12 hrs but I’m getting used to it now! 2:46 PM
After that I let that conversation die, and hit her back up a few days later:
Me: I heard that all silly nursing interns run around their bedrooms in pink scrubs dancing in front of the mirror and singing into their hair brush… 3:04 PM
And she never responded…..
Frustrating to say the least. Seeing leads I think are very strong just die and lose interest right before my eyes…. apparently, I need to work on something, but I’m not sure what it is…
What they can do: it’s not that you have to ‘settle‘; rather, just have a more realistic view of yourself. Get down from the pedestal of self-self books that tell you how great and amazing and god-like you are, and how you ‘deserve’ no one less than Bradley Cooper – like Clint Eastwood said in Unforgiven, “deserve’s got nothin to with it.” You’re far from the best thing since packaged salami slices, so take the blinders off and start working with what you got. There’s a sweet spot between holding out for something that isn’t there, on one end, and going for the first loser that buys you $5.00 flowers from the bodega, on the other. You’re skewing towards the former way too much, and risking losing all your chips. Know when to fold ‘em.
Oh! Hi. Looks like you caught me in a “casual” moment, just having a drop or two of wine. You see, I like to unwind after a long day at work, and well, a glass of Merlot is how I like to do it. Did you know it’s pronounced “Merlow”? I didn’t know that until yesterday. Crazy Spanish words! Anyway, I’m choosing this picture for my main “profile” shot on disHarmony.com, because it gets to the essence of who I am – a raging alcoholic. Yes sir! It begins with elegance, as I sip the grape and enjoy some cheese. After the bottle’s drained, I begin to slur. How do I know I’m slurring, if I’m all alone and not talking to anyone? Because I’m talking to my cat, Mr. LittleFiddleSticks. I’m telling him about my day.
Second bottle of Merlow is corked, and I’m a disaster. Mainly because I shouldn’t mix alcohol with these antianxiety meds. But who cares! Nobody listens to those “warnings” anyway! Oh gosh, maybe I should have something more to eat, what do you think Mr. LittleFiddleSticks?? What the – goddammit! He ran away! Get back here you ungracious bag of – hello, what’s this? Dancing with the Stars is on! As if I needed an excuse to pour myself another bottle. I love this label, especially when I can see it triple.
Anyway, if you like what you’ve read, drop me an note! (PS I don’t respond to winks)
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J'ai créé une rencontre mais personne ne la voit. Help !
J'ai créé une rencontre mais personne ne la voit. Help !
Réponse
Lorsque vous créé une rencontre, elle n'est enregistrée que sur votre espace de donnée personnel. Personne d'autres ne peut la voir. Lorsque vous êtes satisfait de sa mise en forme, cliquer sur le bouton "Partager" pour la partager avec vos contacts.
L'histoire de SemApps... et le futur d'ActivityPods
L'histoire de SemApps... et le futur d'ActivityPods
Publié le
29.11.2023
Résumé
SemApps (pour Semantic Applications) a été imaginé au sein de l’Assemblée Virtuelle, une association loi 1901 fondée en 2011, qui était initialement conçue comme un think-tank citoyen contributif.
Billet
Le premier projet de l’association, Idées-Mix, avait pour ambition de valoriser 21 idées proposées par 21 acteurs, et de les transformer en projets concrets grâce à la mise en relation avec d’autres acteurs et ressources. Mais très vite la petite équipe du début fut confrontée aux difficultés techniques de ce projet.
La découverte du web sémantique et, surtout, la rencontre en 2013 avec Henry Story (contributeur historique de Solid, malheureusement décédé cet automne) ont permis de donner une toute nouvelle perspective au projet. L’objet de l’association fut alors réorienté vers la création de solutions logicielles décentralisées, vues comme des moyens de faciliter la coopération.
SemApps allait devenir le projet emblématique de l’association. Il fut initialement conçu, non comme une boîte à outil mais comme une application aidant les organisations à coopérer, en ouvrant leurs données en lecture et en écriture. La v1 fut essentiellement développée par Sébastien Lemoine et Romain Weeger qui se sont appuyés sur Semantic Forms, un logiciel développé par un autre membre de l’Assemblée Virtuelle, Jean-Marc Vanel.
La première instance de SemApps fut déployée pour un gigantesque tiers-lieu éphémère à Paris : les Grands Voisins. Il permettait de rendre visible la myriade d’organisations et d’individus qui occupaient le lieu, et de les aider à mieux coopérer. C’était une grande base de données coopérative.
La première instance de SemApps pour les Grands Voisins
Bien entendu les données étaient enregistrées au format sémantique. Il y avait également des fonctionnalités propre au web sémantique, comme la possibilité d’importer son profil d’une autre instance ou d’ajouter des liens entre ressources d’instances distantes. L’association Assemblée Virtuelle disposait aussi de sa propre instance.
Malheureusement, après le départ de Sébastien Lemoine vers d’autres aventures, le développement du projet s’arrêta. Les instances ont continué d’être maintenues quelques années, mais à un moment elles ont cessé de fonctionner et plus personne n’était capable de les relancer. Cela a coïncidé avec la fermeture du tiers-lieu des Grands Voisins.
La renaissance
Fin 2019, le projet a été ravivé par un petite équipe au sein de l’Assemblée Virtuelle :
Guillaume Rouyer, le fondateur de l’association et porteur de la vision ;
Pierre Bouvier-Muller, UX designer passionné de coopération ;
Simon Louvet, développeur historique de l’AV et créateur du Bus Sémantique ;
Sébastien Rosset, développeur fraîchement débarqué dans l’Assemblée Virtuelle.
Sébastien Rosset était particulièrement intéressé par le protocole ActivityPub, qui avait été standardisé par le W3C l’année précédente et permettait de faire du réseau social décentralisé. Ayant développé un premier serveur sous Symfony, il souhaitait lui donner une nouvelle dimension en enregistrant les données au format sémantique (ActivityPub est intrinsèquement lié au web sémantique, même si de nombreuses applications compatibles ActivityPub ignorent cette dimension).
Il fallait repartir de zéro, le code de la v1 étant inexploitable. Lorsqu’il a fallu faire les premiers choix technologiques, la petite équipe bénéficia de l’expertise de Niko, développeur émérite.
Grâce à son apport, il fut décidé d’utiliser Moleculer pour le backend. Ce framework basé sur NodeJS permet de créer facilement des microservices, qui peuvent rester sur la même machine ou se déployer sur plusieurs machines. L’architecture collait bien avec notre volonté de rendre SemApps modulaire. Ainsi les usagers pourraient n’activer que les services dont ils ont besoin, ou bien développer leurs propres services, qui pourraient se connecter aux services existants.
Les services Moleculer dans SemApps
Un autre choix important fut d’utiliser Jena Fuseki comme triple store. Bien qu’il soit possible de faire du web sémantique sans triple store, l’avantage d’un triple store est que les données sont enregistrées directement en sémantique. On peut donc les requêter facilement avec le langage SPARQL. Comme il s’agissait de développer de larges bases de données collaboratives, la possibilité de faire des requêtes SPARQL était cruciale.
Apache Jena Fuseki fut choisi parmi les triple stores existants car il était possible de développer des extensions. Nous souhaitions en effet proposer des endpoints SPARQL publics qui respectent les permissions accordées sur les ressources (appelées WAC en web sémantique), et Fuseki le permettait grâce aux extensions. Cela devait faire l’objet d’un important chantier dont Niko allait être le maître d’oeuvre.
Déploiement de SemApps v2
Après 6 mois de travail intensif (le premier confinement ayant bien aidé à accélérer le développement !), la v2 de SemApps était prête.
Parmi les premiers services développés, il y en avait un pour créer un serveur LDP (API de type REST permettant de lire et écrire des données sémantiques) et un autre pour gérer le protocole ActivityPub. Ces deux services pouvaient intégrer les permissions WAC (mais pouvaient aussi faire sans). Petit à petit, des services furent ajoutés pour faciliter l’interopérabilité entre les instances.
L’Assemblée Virtuelle souhaitait utiliser SemApps pour un usage similaire à la celui de la v1 : gérer une base de données ouverte et interopérable. Le framework React-Admin fut choisi pour créer une interface de type backoffice se connectant à un backend SemApps. Comme il s’agissait d’un produit à part entière, il fut choisi de le nommer Archipelago et de garder le nom SemApps pour la boîte à outils.
Des composants pour React-Admin furent néanmoins intégrés à cette boîte à outils, afin de faciliter le développement d’interfaces avec des données sémantiques. A l’usage, React-Admin se révéla pouvoir faire beaucoup plus que du backoffice et de nombreux sites l’utilisèrent. Bien entendu les développeurs étaient libres d’utiliser d’autres types de framework, le frontend étant complètement découplé du backend.
L'instance Archipelago de l'Assemblée Virtuelle
Au fil des années, des instances furent déployées pour de nombreux acteurs qui souhaitaient mettre la coopération au cœur de leur infrastructure informatique. Citons par exemple Colibris, un acteur majeur de la transition sociale et écologique en France, les Chemins de la Transition, un projet visant à créer des parcours de formation nomade, ou encore Destination Oasis, un site web permettant de trouver des hébergements dans des éco-lieux.
Vers les Pods
Lorsque le projet Solid a été lancé en 2016, la communauté de l’Assemblée Virtuelle y a immédiatement porté un vif intérêt, y voyant la concrétisation de la vision qu’Henry Story avait partagé en 2013.
Avec Solid, l’utilisateur est invité à se créer une base de données personnelle (Pod, pour Personal Online Datastore) sur l’hébergeur de son choix. Ensuite, lorsqu’il utilise une application compatible, celle-ci va enregistrer toutes ses données personnelles sur son Pod. C’est un renversement de l’architecture du web telle que nous la connaissons actuellement.
Jusqu’à maintenant, l’orientation de l’équipe SemApps était plutôt vers la création d’outils favorisant le partage et la coopération entre organisations. Au lieu de Personal Online Datastore (Pods), ce sont plutôt des Collective Online Datastores (Cods) qui étaient déployés (du moins c’est ainsi que l’Assemblée Virtuelle avait choisi de les nommer dans cet article).
Le focus était ainsi sur le partage facilité des informations (avec le protocole LDP, mais aussi ActivityPub) plutôt que sur la préservation des données personnelles, même s’il y avait naturellement un intérêt pour le second. Cela restait néanmoins deux objectifs très différents, voire opposés, qui pouvaient parfois faire émerger des conflits en termes des fonctionnalités proposées.
La situation évolua fin 2021 lorsque Sébastien Rosset eut l’idée de proposer des Pods intégrant nativement ActivityPub. Nommé ActivityPods, ce nouveau projet s’appuyait également sur SemApps. En quelques mois, le code de SemApps fut adapté pour permettre de déployer des hébergeurs de Pods, chaque Pod disposant de son propre dataset sur Jena Fuseki.
Des applications virent rapidement le jour, comme Bienvenue chez moi, qui permet de proposer des rencontres à domicile sur invitation, ou l’Entraide, une application de petites annonces. Dans les deux cas, l’utilisateur devrait d’abord se créer un Pod sur l’hébergeur de son choix et ensuite l’application utilisait ce Pod pour stocker ses données.
Quoique ActivityPods n’était pas 100% compatible avec le standard Solid (Solid-OIDC est en cours d’implémentation), le projet généra beaucoup d’intérêt des développeurs, au point d’être présenté en mars 2022 à Solid World, le rendez-vous mensuel de la communauté Solid. Le projet obtint également en juin 2023 un financement de NLnet pour consolider l’existant. Ce travail en cours permet également d’améliorer SemApps.
Le futur : Pods et Cods
Au sein de l’Assemblée Virtuelle, l’architecture en Pods a convaincu au point d’être une évidence. Or jusqu’à maintenant c’était plutôt des “Cods” qui étaient déployés, et les utilisateurs créaient leurs comptes sur les Cods. Mais pourquoi leurs données personnelles devraient être liées à un Cod en particulier ? Ne pourraient-ils pas créer leur profil sur leur Pod, puis le partager avec la ou les organisations auxquelles ils participent ?
En allant plus loin, nous avons réalisé qu’Archipelago lui-même pourrait devenir une application compatible ActivityPods. Chaque organisation, au lieu de déployer une instance sur son serveur, choisirait un hébergeur pour ses données. Et elle utiliserait ensuite l’application Archipelago (mais aussi d’autres applications) pour gérer ses données et les partager avec d’autres organisations.
Pour avoir des vrais Cods qui peuvent être créés “à la volée” et fonctionner comme des Pods, il suffirait d’affiner l’interface de gestion des droits. Un utilisateur avec un Pod pourrait créer un Cod pour une organisation, et il deviendrait administrateur de ce Cod. Il pourrait ensuite accorder des droits d’administration à d’autres utilisateurs.
L’Archipel des Low-Tech en France. Voyez-vous les Pods et les Cods ?
On aurait ainsi une constellation de Cods et de Pods, tous interopérables entre eux. Les données communautaires seraient sur des Cods, les données personnelles sur des Pods. On resterait dans une perspective d’échange et d’ouverture, tout en préservant la souveraineté sur les données. Ces deux objectifs, qui semblaient si éloignés au début, se trouveraient ainsi atteints dans cette nouvelle architecture au potentiel révolutionnaire.
Il y a encore du travail, mais ces perspectives sont réjouissantes. Malgré le peu de moyens, nous sommes confiants que les rêves portés par l’Assemblée Virtuelle depuis bientôt 15 ans (et aussi, à l’international, par la communauté Solid et ActivityPub) vont pouvoir se réaliser dans les prochaines années, et changer radicalement notre usage du web.
Im not trying to attack anyone but I know that personally when a friend asks me for advice I make sure she knows I havent been thru that experience before if I havent and many times I tell them Im not the best petson to ask just because of that.
I HAVE been in this situation, with two or three very different outcomes. But even if I hadn’t, that still doesn’t mean my feedback is any less valid. But you’re sitting there and saying that yours is different. For what reason, I don’t know, because you’ve only been with the guy 6 weeks! You haven’t a clue how this is going to play out. Yet you insist that your situation is different, with nothing to go on other than your opinions.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 5
Reply
Carina Says:
January 16th, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Trust me Im reading and absorbing all feedback. But some do sound unrealistic with a very negative tone. Is not what they say but how and its hard to take any of that seriously when I dont feel is coming from a good place. I think taking it slow is good advice along with things to ask about myself and to him.
Now, when you say 3-4 months to commit, you mean I should hold off sex for that long as well right?
Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 13
Reply
Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:
January 16th, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Now, when you say 3-4 months to commit, you mean I should hold off sex for that long as well right?
Nothing I said even implies that. Obviously you’ve slept with this man so I don’t see how that question is relevant to your situation.
Lorsque je supprime une personne de mes contacts, est-elle avertie ?
Lorsque je supprime une personne de mes contacts, est-elle avertie ?
Réponse
Non, et si vous êtes dans ses contacts, cela ne sera pas modifié. La liste des contacts est comme un carnet d'adresse: elle est privée et on ne peut pas savoir si on est dans la liste des contacts d'un autre.
J'ai réalisé le premier véritable programme informatique, lors de mon travail sur un ancêtre de l'ordinateur : la machine analytique de Charles Babbage.
Raison d'être
Un collectif fort et harmonieux grâce à une parole authentique entre ses membres
Redevabilités
- Être disponible pour celles et ceux qui ressentent des difficultés inter-personnelles.
- Organiser des espaces de parole lorsque cela semble nécessaire.
So, what are your experiences with food and dating? Does it matter to you what your partner eats? Do you actively seek someone with similar eating patterns or not?
On his latest post, Evan Marc Katz takes on the old cliche "Love happens when you least expect it." In my view, there is a bit of truth in this statement, but it's also really deceptive.
Evan points out that for many single folks, they've built a life that basically maintains that singleness. There's often little or no room for meeting someone new in the life of a single person. I can't tell you how many online dating profiles I have read that start with the lines "I'm a super busy woman. I work two jobs, go to the gym everyday, have a house to take care of, etc." Who wants to try and squeeze a into that? Evan goes on to say:
If you only go on a handful of dates a year, you’re not giving yourself much of an opportunity to find love. That’s not fair to you, and it’s unlikely to be successful in the long run.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” – Ben Franklin.
It’s rare that love just appears when you aren’t expecting it. It’s not just women who believe this either; men fall for this story as well. I have had numerous people tell me those words “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” The problem is that it’s really easy to take that as meaning “I don’t need to do anything about dating anymore.” Which isn’t true.
My experience has been that a combination of putting in some effort on the dating front, and letting go of expectations, has led me into relationships.
When I’m too hung up on “finding the perfect someone,” nothing happens. I might go on a lot of dates, but they go nowhere. And I spend entirely too much time thinking about what date X said, searching profiles, or generally being distracted by anyone who might possibly be "relationship material."
And when I’m too swamped in “it’ll never happen” thoughts, nothing happens. I don't try at all, even when women might be showing interest. I get hyper focused on work, or other details in my life - anything to push off thoughts about my past dating experiences, and how things didn't work out.
I don’t know what happened…. for the past year or so I had convinced myself that accounting was the way to go.
I enrolled in a few classes since I wasn’t an accounting major in undergrad and I was planning on getting an internship in accounting and applying for a Master’s in Accounting program…
I never got an accounting internship.
I went to several networking events, office visits, had a few interviews…. nobody hired me.
And, I beasted through my accounting classes. Beasted the GMAT.
I applied to one Master’s in Accounting program…. and one MBA program.
I didn’t even apply to the Master’s in Accounting program at the school I currently go to. Because I was too scared of what would happen if I did. The school is too regional. I’d probably be tempted to go because it would make the most “financial sense” – they would most likely offer me scholarships, and I could live at home still and save on having to pay rent and whatnot. But, then, I’d be stuck here…. the school is too regional…. my first job would most likely have to be in this city.
So, I just didn’t apply.
I didn’t want to run the risk of being stuck in this city for another 3-4 years just because it makes the most financial sense.
Fuck that.
Take a risk, Wonka!
I got into the MBA program and got several scholarship offers from them. They loved my experience, the fact that I was entrepreneurial and my high as shit GMAT score.
The one Masters in Accounting program I applied to called to tell me I “wasn’t a competitive candidate” and I would be at a “disadvantage” trying to get a job in a Big 4 Accounting firm because of my undergrad GPA.
So, I flipped the conversation and had a long talk with the Accounting recruiter on whether I should pursue accounting or go for an MBA… ”Well, you have the work experience and a good GMAT score, you’re actually very strong candidate for MBA programs.”
Alright. Fuck accounting.
I got off the phone with her and committed to the MBA program that had accepted me and offered me scholarships.
I’ll be moving in August… to a city I’ve never been to before.
To a city where I literally don’t know anybody.
I’m honestly nervous. A bit scared.
I don’t even know what my plans are once I finish the MBA. What kind of job will I be looking for? Fuck if I know.
So much for the accounting shit I had all planned out….
Part of the reason I made the decision, is because I need to get out of here.
One year in my mid-twenties living at home with the parents was long enough. I don’t want to get comfortable here. I can feel myself getting comfortable here.
A new situation where I don’t know anybody will force me to grind. Force me to meet people.
I talked to a close friend about it, he thinks it’s a good look. He said something worth quoting like, “Sometimes you need to just force yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable, until you’re comfortable being uncomfortable. Once you reach that point, what can ever shake you?”
Having had my share of "self-esteem" issues over the years, I can distinctly recall periods of my life when I simply didn't believe I had much to offer someone. Or that whatever I did have to offer wasn't "good enough." Dating dry spells have tended to bring this kind of thing enforce, a few times to the point where I found myself choosing to date someone who was a poor match, simply because she showed some interest. While I can honestly say that I don't sink into long periods of being controlled by these kind of thoughts today, they still do occur from time to time. However, I have learned to cut them off much quicker by simply not believing the "I'm not good enough or worthy" storyline.
On the other hand, I can recall at least as few times while in a relationship where I over-estimated my effort, and/or my contribution to the relationship upkeep. Where I thought, for example, that I truly was doing my best to listen, take care, be honest, etc, and yet after some reflection, recognized how much I was avoiding or withholding. Furthermore, in a few cases, I can recall times when I thought I was able to handle the challenges we faced as a couple, when the reality was that I didn't have the energy and/or insight to do so at that particular time.
I bring these examples from my own life up because I believe that each of us has elements of both underestimating and overestimating within us. One pattern might be dominant, but the other is often somewhere in there, lurking in the shadows. Over-confident player types sometimes underestimate their natural attractiveness, while people with a serious lack of self-esteem sometimes overestimate things like their intelligence, thinking they're smarter than most everyone else.
It's important to consider how these two poles might be playing out in your life, whether you are currently single or in a relationship. The first step being figuring out what pattern is dominant, and/or whether or not it's controlling how you relate to others.
So, what about you? Which side do you tend to fall on? Can you see the opposite extreme influencing you as well in any form?
Here's a post on a subject I tend to flunk unless I just let it happen naturally.
Patty Contenta knows a thing or two about flirting. In fact, she is probably the Queen of Flirting and even if you think you are an expert when it comes to men and flirting with them, you may just learn something new from Patty.
Raison d'être
Des outils informatiques au service des réseaux locaux
Redevabilités
- Identifier, décrire, hiérarchiser par ordre d’importance pour l’utilisateur les fonctionnalités attendues des applications, puis les développer
Que signifie le bouton "Ignorer" sur la page d'un contact ?
Que signifie le bouton "Ignorer" sur la page d'un contact ?
Réponse
Cette fonctionnalité vous permet de ne plus être notifié par email lorsque la personne "ignorée" vous invite à un événement. Ce n'est pas un blocage complet: elle pourra toujours vous envoyer des messages, et ses événements apparaîtront dans votre "tableau de bord" de Bienvenue chez moi.
I've been more or less absent from blogging for over a year now. And although, during this time, I very much wanted to write, wanted to continue to participate in the happily single online community -- I also felt like I had nothing to say.
Either I had nothing to say, or I couldn't figure out what to say.
Writing stopped feeling cathartic because suddenly, being single & happy was, well, boring. I was content. My issues weren't around being single but around working out other kinks in my life.
And, for part of the past year I was not single. I was unhappily coupled, trapped in a strange relationship that I have no idea how I wound up in. It was a friendship gone awry which did teach me a few things about myself that I wasn't aware of: That I am seduceable despite my better intentions, that I am ambitious beyond my wildest beliefs and that I am incompatible with a broad range of personality traits which include heavy drinking, annoying questions and general neediness.
I tried to ride out the relationship with grace in order to save the friendship and failed.
It just wasn't something that I wanted to write about. Especially knowing that my blog would be read by said love-disaster.
A good portion of the year has transpired since that relationship came to a close and I am beginning to experience new revelatory interactions which might result in something more than a post saying "I'll be back soon".
I've also been blessed with many free books which need to be reviewed.
So, tonight, this Friday night, three months after my last post, I am finally on that long awaited date with my blog.
I could be on a date with a man. I have a few prospects, all of which are promising both physically and intellectually. But I am not. I am at home, being the homebody that I am and grateful for this time to jump back into the Singlutionary world.
Even though I suspect that I will not feel single much longer. Because, I have now at my disposal a growing community of smart, funny and interesting men.
Being without men was the only thing that was an issue before. Not in a romantic or even sexual way (although missing sex and intimacy was definitely an issue at times) -- but in some kind of yin/yang balance. I need men in my life just as I need friends with various perspectives and upbringings in my life. I need that male perspective and -- to be quite honest -- the masculine quality in general.
Some of the best times I had this year were with men who I am not romantically involved with -- I hiked to the top of Angel's Landing in Zion and spent a week in Chicago discussing Shakespeare with my Comical Cousin and a week ago today I spend the day hiking outside of Vegas to a delicious hot spring with (an admittedly sexy) Future Fed. And lately Tall Turtle has been buying me beers and generally showing me a good, laid back time (OK, so there is obviously some potential romance there).
But, in general, I think I've finally learned how to be friends with men. And it is a great experience and fills the place in my life that was made empty when my female friends all defected to marriage and babies.
And this blog, my Singlutionary life, is here on Friday nights when the best thing to do is check up with all the wonderful single people out there and their creative, interesting, engaging lives which are so full and joyful and positive despite being considered, by many of our culture, to be missing their "other half".
A week or so ago, I started writing a post in my head -- it would have read something like this:
So -- the two guys are still in the picture -- the Brit and Dorian Gray -- I've had four dates with each. I'm thinking that Dorian and I are a better "fit", but I keep reminding myself that it's too soon to tell.
However, things are starting to get more intimate with Dorian (I've been deliberately moving much more slowly with the Brit). I can't, in good conscience, have sex with two different guys in the same week, so a decision should be made soon-ish. It's pretty telling that as I kissed the Brit on our last date, I found myself thinking of Dorian.
As I wrote the last time -- these things have a way of taking care of themselves.
On my last date with the Brit, over a week ago, he asked what the following week looked like for me -- he said he'd be working late just about every night, but could meet after 9 or so some night. We kissed goodnight outside my door, and when he suggested coming inside, I told him I had an early morning the next day, so maybe another time.
And I haven't heard from him since.
I realized after the fact -- I think I'd been the one to generally make the plans for our four dates together, and I was going to let him take the initiative this time. Since he didn't -- well, there you have it. Easy peasy.
I've since had two more dates with Dorian, and it's going at a nice, chill pace. He's fun, smart, cute, thoughtful. He stays in touch between dates. When I had an upset stomach the last time I saw him, he texted the next day, asking how I was feeling.
I can't say I'm feeling butterflies, but I'm simply... happy. Overall, I'm having a great summer, and he's a welcome part of that. I'm not actively seeking other dates at the moment, but I'm not ready to declare exclusivity either. Just letting it be.
In other news: caught up with a college friend for the first time in about 20 years. Inevitably, the conversation turned to dating -- when I mentioned that I had an anonymous dating blog, she said, "Me too!".
Let me introduce Romantic Comedy Girl! Check in, say hi, buy her a cup of coffee.
Résumé
En attendant la sortie au printemps de la v2.0, nous sommes ravis d’annoncer la disponibilité immédiate d’ActivityPods v1.5, qui inclus deux fonctionnalités demandées depuis longtemps: les liens d’invitation simplifiés et les groupes de contacts. Ce petit post a pour but de vous les faire découvrir.
Billet
Liens d’invitation simplifiés
Jusqu’à présent, inviter une personne dans son réseau demandait de passer par 3 étapes: l’invité devait se créer un compte, faire une demande de mise en relation avec l’identifiant de l’utilisateur, puis ce dernier devait accepter la demande. C’était fastidieux (surtout si on avait pas encore de compte) et il était assez courant que l’une ou l’autre personne oublie une étape, ce qui interrompait la mise en relation.
Désormais, les liens d’invitations (que l’on peut trouver sur la page “Mon réseau”, mais aussi dans “Mes paramètres”) permettent de voir immédiatement la personne qui nous invite.
Des liens d'invitation plus sympa
Une fois qu’on s’est connecté ou qu’on a créé son compte, la mise en relation est effectuée automatiquement et l’inviteur reçoit simplement un message lui annonçant que la personne a été ajoutée à son réseau via un lien d’invitation.
Ces fonctionnalités sont possibles grâce à des capabilities. Ce sont des liens uniques qui fonctionnent à la manière d’une clé de voiture: connaître ce lien suffit pour donner l’autorisation qu’il renferme. C’est sur ce principe que fonctionne le partage des Google docs, notamment.
Nous avons développé une première version très simple des capabilities qui est décrite ici et nous sommes déjà en train de réfléchir à comment nous pourrions les utiliser plus largement, par exemple pour donner le droit de partager. Nous sommes en cela très inspirés par OcapPub, proposé par Christine Lemmer-Webber.
Groupes de contacts
La deuxième amélioration majeure de la v1.5 consiste à pouvoir regrouper ses contacts, par exemple tous ceux qui font partie d’un projet ou d’u collectif. Ce groupe est strictement personnel, il permet simplement de mieux organiser ses propres contacts (les personnes ne sauront pas qu’elles ont été “placées” dans tel ou tel groupe).
Dans l’onglet “Mon réseau”, il y a maintenant un bouton “Mes groupes” qui permet de facilement gérer ses groupes. De plus, sur chaque page de contacts, il est possible d’ajouter la personne à un groupe, et même de créer un groupe.
Ajouter un contact à un groupe
Surtout, cela permet de plus facilement inviter les personnes à un événement (p.ex. sur Bienvenue chez moi), puisqu’on peut sélectionner directement le groupe. Tous les membres du groupe seront automatiquement sélectionnés.
Remerciements
L’ajout de ces deux fonctionnalités majeures, mais aussi d’un grand nombre de petites améliorations (voir la release Github), a été rendu possible grâce à la contribution de Laurin Weger, qui a été fait en partie bénévolement. Un grand merci à lui !
Laurin travaille actuellement sur la possibilité de recommander un contact à un autre contact, toujours avec l’aide de capabilities. Cette nouvelle fonctionnalité fera peut-être l’objet d’une v1.6, ou sera intégré directement dans la v2.0
Oh yeah, it’s all my own shit (the only exterior push is I have to give notice to my landlord by the end of this month if I’m gonna leave at the end of March). He’s been perfectly calm about the whole thing and puts no pressure on me.
What you said about not disappointing people I care about rings true, and also knowing that I’m working through old patterns that have kept me wrapped up in only wanting something when I can’t have it. I’m trying my best to just sit with it all, but that chatter in my brain likes to constantly rear up. I think the truth is partly, I don’t know where I want to go or which choice feels best to me. This is what I need to connect with more than anything else.
Thanks for your thoughts, Lindi.
Reply
Kelsey May 5, 2011 at 8:02 am
I’m currently struggling with this one myself. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 3.5 years, and we’ve lived together for two of those (a year was also spent 8,000 miles apart, while I lived in S. Korea). Everything’s pretty good.
However, I’m a traveler, and I’ve been feeling stuck recently. Stuck in Virginia, where we live. I want to roadtrip, to backpack, to couchsurf, but my obligations back here make that prohibitively expensive. I love Marc and I don’t want to say “Hey, I’m running off to Europe for a few months. You have to pay the full balance of the rent so that I don’t have to worry about it”, but I also don’t want to let this feeling of our relationship being a restriction grow any bigger than it already is.
I’M RECENTLY DIVORCED. When you marry someone, you expect to spend the rest of your life with that person (til death do us part?). When that doesn’t happen, you start questioning. And with the divorce rate the way it is these days, one of the big questions that arises is: Is marriage even relevant anymore?
It’s this question that prompted me to get involved with this website. That’s where I’m coming from. Around the time when all of this was going down, couples around me started to fall like dominoes. Couples who had been together for many years and who had seemed happy. I started looking at couples I saw on the street and thinking, “I wonder if they are really happy?” From the outside, my wife and I seemed happy. Hell, even from the inside it seemed that way. But deep down there was a denial on both our parts. I question how prevalent this denial is in other couples.
Who knows. Maybe everyone else really is happy. I would love nothing more than for this to be true. But I have a nagging suspicion it isn’t.
So this is where you come in. Christine and I have some pretty big questions and ideas about what it means to love and be in a relationship in 2010 (and beyond). But this website isn’t a platform for us (and any other contributor) to get self-centered and whiny about our issues with love and relationships. This is a forum to express our ideas and get your thoughts and opinions.
Be candid, open, honest. Comment anonymously if you want. If you’re feeling something, let us know. If you externalize these thoughts and feelings it might lead to a bigger truth. Let’s bounce ideas off each other.
In short, let’s rap.
This is not a time to be shy. This will work best when everyone joins in so we can collectively start exploring some pretty important topics.
Still seeing a lot of Camper -- several times a week -- and sometimes it feels like too much, sometimes it feels just right. The course of true love (or in this case, early days of dating) never did run smooth, isn't that right? Just trying to keep a happy medium.
This has been a nice change from most other guys I've dated in the past few years: I never wonder if / when I'm going to hear from him again. I never have that feeling of, "maybe I should wait 24 hours before I write him back...". It's been pretty clear (from both sides) that we're both excited about this.
Last time, I wrote that New Guy was still on my mind -- thankfully, he's been making less and less of an appearance there these days. Here's the thing: it just happened that New Guy and I shared more interests than Camper and I do. In some ways, I felt (feel?) that NG and I were just more suited for each other... but of course, the big picture is: he's not emotionally available at this time (and who's to say he would ever be? And that he'd want to be with ME?).
[of course, it could also just be that curse of wanting the person you can't have -- arrgh, human nature sucks!]
I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that Camper and I have these different interests -- so far, it seems like we're both willing to embrace and learn about the other's differences, so as long as we can keep that going...? We DO have fabulous chemistry and have lots of fun together -- as long as that continues? Well, we'll see.
Sorry to have to be so vague! As always, fear of discovery, however unlikely, keeps me writing in this coy language.
Incidentally: New Guy and I had plans recently for a belated birthday drink (mine) -- however, a few days prior, I wrote to him to cancel. I was up front with him: I told him that if we're going to just be friends, I needed a bit more time and distance -- and it just didn't feel fair to Camper to have drinks with a recent ex.
A big part of my job is to search sex personals ads and write about what and who I find on there to talk about. I think it’s funny how sex is always on everybody’s brains yet it’s even funnier how weird and unappealing sex can be when it’s not being exploited on the big and small screen.
Just think about it for a second: 8 times out of 10, having sex with someone is probably one of the least attractive acts on this planet. We spend most of our free time by personally grooming ourselves for the hopes of getting some action in our free dating lives. We make ourselves go from a 4 to a 7.5 and then after a few minutes in the sack, we barely look like 3′s. But that’s okay, because we never seem to care about the wild sex hair manes or the smells of “bodissy” in the air. Once the clothes come off and the monkey-faced orgasms are achieved, all our flaws suddenly disappear, at least for the moment. We’re just happy…no matter how bad we look or smell afterwards.
It’s also very funny to think about how everybody has sex. Your middle-aged balding manager at work has sex. Maybe he even has a lot of sex with his equally homely looking wife at home every day. He has three kids, so he’s had to have sex with his wife at least 3 times. So just think about the times at work he talks about trips to Best Buy and the times he hands you office memos for you to fill out. 8 hours later, he may be getting naked with his wife. The thought alone makes you want to take a shower, doesn’t it?
It’s funny how exclusive we are about sex. When we think about it for ourselves–it’s hot. When we think about our family and friends’ sex lives, we freak out and get disgusted. We all act like over zealous movie nerds when it comes to sex–only we are ourselves are allowed to enjoy it privately and know what it is.
I think it’s funny how we have two different selves we show to people. 90 percent of people in our lives see our normal selves. The selves that do laundry, watch movies, go to the grocery store and cook. Then there are our other selves that likes to be spanked in the privacy of their bedrooms. How can somebody we know be able to make a mean upside down pineapple cake and get off on spanking? Hmmm….
Sex is funny and at the end of the day, the best experiences in life are the ones that involve laughter and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Nothing ever ends without having had a series of events to occur prior. My break up was abrupt but the final cause or the straw that broke the camels back was not the total reason for the end. There were many factors that contributed to the break up.
I have watched movies/tv shows that showed you at the very end the events that weren’t shown that contributed to the outcome of the story. For me it always helped to have a better understanding of what occured. I didn’t feel like I was left trying to fill in the gaps. There is always more to the story..
We often don’t realize that every decision we make affects others. I used to think that because I was single my decisions only affected me. This could not be further from the truth.
Recently I had my jazzercise class evaluated. I was already having thoughts of quiting because it’s alot of work and the pay is minimal. After receiving a less than passing evaluation you can imagine how much more discouraged I became. Although I felt like she was overly picky about some things she was moderately fair.
Of course the evaluator had no clue of the struggle that I’ve had to endure to even become and instructor nor did she know that I was already on the verge of quiting. If in fact I had quit after my unfavorable results it would not have been just because of her.
So I thought about what would happen if I were to quit and realized all the people this would affect hence causing the domino effect:
1. This would affect me because now I have nothing to do on the 3 days im not at the salon and although its not much money it would be money lost.
2. The people who love, enjoy and attend my class.
3. The owner would have to take over my classes adding more work and stress on her. etc etc
Although I considered how my quitting would affect others in the end I decided to stay for me. I owe it to myself to bring my class up to the standard that the evaluator presented to me. The question was did I want to.
I have a feeling I’m not going to be seeing Smiles much longer.
We had a talk tonight – he was brutally honest, and said, amongst other things, that he sensed that I was more into him than he was into me, and that while he does like me, he wants to continue taking it slowly until we (maybe) reach a point when / if we decide we want to date each other exclusively.
Ouch.
This made me think: where can we possibly go from here? Now I’m feeling self-conscious about being too demonstrative. I think this is what happened: in the beginning, he came on strong. I followed his lead. He pulled back. I chose to ignore that he had pulled back, and kept pushing in his direction until he doused me with ice water and opened my eyes to what was really happening.
After I went home, I was in a bit of a funk about this – and it dawned on me. Am I really into HIM, or am I into the idea of having a boyfriend, a lover, a companion? I do have fun with him, and we have good chemistry together. However, there are some striking differences in our worlds that I'm only admitting to myself now: our lifestyles, our careers, just our lives overall. I know relationships are about compromise, and about embracing each other’s differences. But in this case, now that I’ve come down off my cloud, I’m seeing what’s really there. And it’s not what I want in the long run.
We have plans this weekend, and I’ll probably stick to them. But I’m planning on pulling back, staying a bit cool, just keeping my feelings in check.
In my last post, I mentioned that I was communicating with some new guys on Match – at that time, I was really just going through the motions. Now – I’m actively looking again. Might even have another new date this weekend. Wish me luck!
Just got back from a business trip – on my last night there, I had an epiphany.
I was faffing around on the internet, checking out what people were up to on Facebook – out of curiosity, I checked out Mr Recurring’s page. I check out his page every so often to see if he’s still engaged to soon-to-be Mrs Recurring. So far, it appears that that’s still the case, with the wedding just a few weeks away. Allegedly.
I think there’s a part of me that wants to see that they’ve broken up. Not because I want to be with him… maybe I’m just a little jealous of these two people who seem so ecstatic to have found each other, and I just crave that feeling so much. I don’t even realize I’m craving it until I go to his (then her) Facebook page, and see all the updates (the first get-together with mutual friends, talk of moving in together), the happy photos together, gazing into each other’s eyes (well, THAT one is a bit puke-worthy).
So, this epiphany: I realized that if I want to find someone who is totally crazy about me, maybe I shouldn’t be wasting time with guys who AREN’T crazy about me. My best friend D will be the first to remind me of this: any night I spend on a date with someone like Martin is a night I could be potentially be going out with someone with whom there’s a future. Rocket science, I know.
I’ve been on the fence regarding how much I like Martin, pondering how right he is for me. One factor that’s pushing him further into the “not right” column: he’s been rather inconsistent. Before we both left on our trips, he told me he’d miss me – and yet we only exchanged one brief, not-very-warm text while I was away. Actions much louder than words, see?
Just tonight, a week and a half after our last brief text exchange, he texted me to say “hi” – at 1:30 am. Really, dude?
Alas, I think he needs to be 86’d. I’m going to miss the good chemistry, but I think it’s more important to focus on someone who may have potential.
What timing – I just read this on Evan Mark Katz’s website:
What’s most important is not how a guy makes you feel on a date. Sure, it’s great when you’re tipsy and tingling with excitement in anticipation of his kiss. But that feeling is useless if he doesn’t make a consistent effort to see you.
Literally ALL that matters - if you want a healthy relationship - is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?”
That is the question. Do guys want us to be blunt or not?
Last night at the bar a guy asked me, are you here to talk to men or to have some private time with your friend? Because he asked me that, I of course responded that I was here to spend some private time with my girlfriend.
However, I was curious why he had asked me this, and he explained to me his experience with the last several girls he spoke that night. He was upset and asked me why girls would get all dressed up, go out to a bar and not want to talk to guys.
I, being the girl, of course knew the answer to this question. At this point, I had a choice to make. That is, to be blunt or not to be blunt. He was asking me to be blunt. Any naive girl would have been blunt, in hopes of 1. getting rid of him and 2. because he asked her to be.
However, I am far from naive and have experience with being blunt. Being blunt with men quickly turns into being “the bitch”. Here is how it happens.
Chains
Release your chains from me. Just hurt me so I can move on. I never wanted to face the pain, but now…anything is better than these chains. I will take the wound so I can move on, instead of withering away in these chains. Waiting, eternally waiting.
Unable to move for fear of losing you when I never really had you in the first place. Everything I gave to you and this is how you return it. Forever chained to you, confused and miserable.
Either you love me or you don’t; this is the key to my release. And until I know I am forever bound under the oppressive weight of your chains, my soul dying with the sound of my crushing bones.
I always wear my same 3 rings, mascara, and lip gloss daily. I look at myself alot in the mirror or on any reflective surfaces (im not vain im just checking things out), I talk to myself often (sometimes I have to work out things out loud lol), I always keep a pen on me (this probably became a habit because im a nurse and it comes in handy often), and I watch basketball alot especially around this time of year (playoffs), even if its not a team im rooting for.
Other habits I have include procrastinating and smelling food before I eat it.
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798WIP April 28, 2011 at 9:19 am
“2)Whenever I pass by a mirror or any reflective surface I have to look at myself”
I do this too. When I come into work in the morning, we have reflective glass doors and then a big glass bulletin board. Sometimes I’m staring so hard I run into stuff. I guess I’m always trying to figure out what other people see when they look at me.
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799Mo-VSS April 28, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Number 2 is the truth. I cannot pass any reflective surface and not look at myself.
Vain?
kanye shrug
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800Edu April 28, 2011 at 2:24 am
I have a bad habit of clicking hyperlinks on wikipedia articles. I’m in school and I don’t pay attention to lecture so I often have to wikipedia something, like what’s the anatomical name for the big toe (hallux if you were wondering) but 30 mins later I find myself reading the wikipedia page about the Bolsheviks. I just click and click and click – taking myself on a wonderful and nonproductive journey through wikipedia land.
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801Liz April 28, 2011 at 2:26 am VSBGLITTER
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802Yoles April 28, 2011 at 2:31 am
�?�✪❥❊♡✵✿�?�❤✿�?�✤ WELCOME EDU �?�✪❥❊♡✵✿�?�❤✿�?�✤
But as you can imagine with a search term like “love”, thousands upon thousands of pictures arrived on my computer screen to sort through. Which is maybe why I was so amazed – and moved – that when I did in fact search for the word love, I was blown away by the beauty of each photo on the first page.
Even more so, a story weaved between them without the many different creators having any clue that they were part of this particular tale. Love looks like so many things, but the invisible line that runs through all the different forms is that every human being experiences it in more than one form in their life. And if you know how to tell the story right, everyone can relate to your own potent contribution.
This photo essay is dedicated to the photographers on page 1 of the Creative Commons search for love. Thank you for inspiring a brand new story of what love looks like.
”So if jealousy nags at me, I feel badly about it, that I shouldn’t feel that way. I think this is my first mistake. This feeling shouldn’t be judged — or we’re all bad people.”
My personal opinion on this: Let’s begin from: We’re all NOT bad people. Circumstances play a vital part in creating a human or a monster out of us, but we still have a choice to bring about change in us. And, if there is one constant in life, then that constant is ‘change.’
There are different feelings we get under different circumstances. Personally speaking for myself, whenever I get a feeling of doing or not doing something- it may be good or bad- I try not to judge; however, I have the responsibility to overcome any feeling that leads me in the wrong direction. Feelings that are healthy must be nurtured. Jealousy is not one of them. It is a sure sign of insecurity.
I suggest, not to get hung up about it, but work toward it. Have faith in the person you love. Increasing faith and love will overcome this feeling of jealousy. I pray that the girl who loves you–loves you so much–that this feeling is put to rest! :)
Assuming that all relationships are based on love and genuine affection is naive. Many people hop from relationship to relationship because they can’t handle being alone. Some get into relationships because they need somebody to provide for them. Some do it for social status. If everybody got into relationships because of love or genuine attraction the world might be a better place. The sad fact is many people get into a relationship just to fill a void in their life.
Others buy cats…
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Ellie
August 11, 2012 at 10:20 pm #
I feel very strongly about this topic because I had some crazy experiences with cheating (well maybe we all have).
In college, my bff cheated on me with two guys that I dated at different times, one was my first love. I was an idiot and didn’t find out until afterwards, or maybe I didn’t want to find out. I confronted her and her answer was “you were just jealous because you couldn’t get laid.” That really shook my belief in female friends and I haven’t had a close female friend ever since. Looking back, I suppose she did me a favor, because she and one of the guys are now living together, jobless, and have more batshit drama in their lives than an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy.
I agree with Il Capo if you don’t call him, text him, IM him back you’ll lose his interest. What I believe ‘gets’ a guy is your interest in him. He plays it cool – you play it hot (not talking sex here k). By hot I don’t mean needy, consuming, clingy but the best of your personality for some of you flirty, for some of you funny, for some of you erudite.
Men are as vulnerable as women to Game/Rules techniques, including alpha men. If anything, beta men are less vulnerable to Rules women than alphas, for the simple reason that they are more easily discouraged. If a Rules woman refuses a Saturday date on a Wednesday night, a beta man won’t call her again on Saturday of the same week to see if she’s changed her mind, as an alpha would (with a casual joke/insult to show he’s not too invested in it). He probably won’t call her again at all.
JD PERMALINK
October 20, 2009 3:31 am
Just a word to the wise. Social dominance isn’t an attraction switch to men the way it is to women. So if you try shit testing him the way the rules tell you do, and it doesn’t work, then it will backfire completely and you will become more attracted to him because of it.
Also, while I’m not a PUA, between having read their materials and having personally seen women use plays and gambits on me, the likes of which Mystery and Style have never seen I can tell when a girl is trying to game me. As can any man who’s read PUA material. At the same time, I’ve been felled by women willing to try hard enough.
Anecdote: This girl at school was into me and she broke one of the rules right off the bat by going in cold. After two weeks of talking off and on she asked me why I never asked her for her name. Outside of getting starbucks across the street every week or two I never asked for her number or saw her outside of school. She’d dangle threats like “I might be moving in a couple weeks” and I’d tell her I’d miss her and move onto something else.
She spent the next two months just engaging in casual conversation and dropping in things like “your eyes are pretty” “you look cute in that shirt” “you should come over so I can cook you dinner” and asking for hugs (never in my life have I met someone who needed so many hugs). She finally cracked me when she wrapped her arms around me, leaned her head on my shoulder and said, “Why don’t you hug me? You never hug me…”
In rushed the negative self-talk. Then today I took another class with a different teacher. I knew when she was five minutes late to class that I wasn’t going to like her. At one point I wasn’t doing the correct pose. From the middle of the room she said, “You, in the back” then made her way over to assist me with the pose. Thanks for that, by the way. Really appreciate being singled out in that manner. When she told us all to watch the pregnant woman in the class nail a pose “even with her big belly” I was mentally done. I’ll never return to her class. Speaking of yoga, after I hit my goal of attending six classes, I rewarded myself with this:
Finished my 6th Vinyasa Class today and rewarded myself with this. #yoga #goals pic.twitter.com/kQ2167hifo
— ATWYSingle ® (@ATWYSingle) April 6, 2017
I love the material, but it’s a bit sheer and offers no support to my breasts. I’d have to wear a bralette of some kind underneath. My goal is to do the Equinox Firestarter class in June without collapsing on the floor gasping for breath.
Now for some dirt…
As fate would have it – Gym Guy and I crossed paths as I was leaving the other day. Before I could reach the door to exit the gym, the woman checking in members called me back to the desk to ask me where I bought my leggings and top. There on the screen in front of me was Gym Guy’s profile, with his full name in clear view. I committed it to memory and went on my way, eager to get to work.
On my walk home I typed his name into Facebook and up popped his profile. Pros: He’s single. Cons: When he’s not bleary-eyed and hat-haired, he – like Derek Zoolander – is really, really ridiculously good-looking. Think Jeffrey Dean Morgan with a little Adrien Grenier thrown in for measure.
yes once she has you addicted to her, the sweetness of the early days is quickly replaced with ugly bitchiness that can drive you so insane you will want to pull out your hair!!!
See, I’ve recently been evangelizing my friends who have been striking out with not just attempted hookups but long-term girlfriends. Women cannot be trusted to give accurate and accountable answers about what they desire: at least not verbally.
Worse yet, asking your friend who’s a guy that has been picking up girls since he was 12 is hardly helpful either. He’s an alpha. Listening to him explain women is like listening to Billy Conn try to explain boxing. “Well, what you do is you move and you kind of put this here and wait for that guy to go there, and then you kind of do this.” They’re perfectly built machines. They didn’t come with instruction manuals, and even if they did, they wouldn’t read them. They’re natural-born alphas.
The only people who have a realistic idea of what women really want and do are the ones who actually bothered to observe and experiment. Literally the only people who can tell you with honesty and specificity what a women wants, paradoxically, are the men familiar with Game. It’s the inbetweens and the betas and the handful of self-aware alphas that bothered to pay attention to behavior and come up with the models.
