12 Ways I Think My Marriage Will Be Even Better in My Thirties
5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name
I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic
A Characteristic I Am Thankful My Spouse Has
12 Sweet and Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse Gratitude
7 Reasons You Should Say Yes to a Quickie (aka a short date!) With Your Spouse
10 of the Most Disgusting Things I Do for Love
Were You Disappointed by the Way Your Spouse Proposed?
Sweetest Day Is Coming: 5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse
10 Dating Do's and Don'ts We Can Steal from the Disney Princesses
5 Fun and Frightful Ideas for a Spooky Date Night
Survey Reveals the Most Difficult Year of Marriage
How Love Is Like the Seasons
Hours later, Mr. Ambition brought him up. We were having one of those sweet, intimate, disjointed bedtime conversations. Mr. Ambition was lying back, half-covered by a sheet, and I was admiring the play of light on his chest. "Richard really cares about you," he said.
I stiffened, and sat up. "Maybe," I said. "But I can't trust Richard."
"His tone seemed wistful, when he saw you."
"I can't trust Richard," I repeated. "It's always a game with him. Sometimes I think that we have a real emotional connection, but if I try to talk about it or give him emotional feedback, he just ignores me."
"Maybe he isn't really ignoring you," argued Mr. Ambition. "Maybe every time you say something, or give a little, it makes a tiny bit of difference. Maybe you just have to stay open. Keep trying. These things build up."
"You don't understand," I snapped. "You don't know him! Maybe he really cares, but even if he does, it doesn't matter! Things always end up the same. If I mention emotions, or if I act warm to him, he'll ignore me for a while … and then he'll be cold to me again. I'm telling you, I've been here before, with Richard. It's a trap."
Mr. Ambition didn't waver. "If you're strong enough," he said simply, "then you can walk into a trap."
His words made my heart crack, my breath catch. Made me feel like I've forgotten everything I knew about love.
When I was younger, I thought of my emotional strength like water: an embrace that could make someone I loved feel lighter. Water is a slow, eroding force that pulls beauty from the unexpected. Water makes wood into twisted driftwood sculptures; sharp glass into opaque dim jewels; rocks into soft sand. Water will eventually reveal the heart of everything it touches. If you let it.
I hadn't thought of myself that way in a long time. I felt like Mr. Ambition was calling me out, reminding me of who I wanted to be. Maybe I protect myself better, these days. But vulnerability is not always a bad thing.
I definitely could fall in love with this man, I realized.
"You're really amazing," I said, and threw myself on his chest.
He put his arms around me. "So are you," he said.
5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name
I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic
A Characteristic I Am Thankful My Spouse Has
12 Sweet and Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse Gratitude
7 Reasons You Should Say Yes to a Quickie (aka a short date!) With Your Spouse
10 of the Most Disgusting Things I Do for Love
Were You Disappointed by the Way Your Spouse Proposed?
Sweetest Day Is Coming: 5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse
10 Dating Do's and Don'ts We Can Steal from the Disney Princesses
5 Fun and Frightful Ideas for a Spooky Date Night
Survey Reveals the Most Difficult Year of Marriage
How Love Is Like the Seasons
Hours later, Mr. Ambition brought him up. We were having one of those sweet, intimate, disjointed bedtime conversations. Mr. Ambition was lying back, half-covered by a sheet, and I was admiring the play of light on his chest. "Richard really cares about you," he said.
I stiffened, and sat up. "Maybe," I said. "But I can't trust Richard."
"His tone seemed wistful, when he saw you."
"I can't trust Richard," I repeated. "It's always a game with him. Sometimes I think that we have a real emotional connection, but if I try to talk about it or give him emotional feedback, he just ignores me."
"Maybe he isn't really ignoring you," argued Mr. Ambition. "Maybe every time you say something, or give a little, it makes a tiny bit of difference. Maybe you just have to stay open. Keep trying. These things build up."
"You don't understand," I snapped. "You don't know him! Maybe he really cares, but even if he does, it doesn't matter! Things always end up the same. If I mention emotions, or if I act warm to him, he'll ignore me for a while … and then he'll be cold to me again. I'm telling you, I've been here before, with Richard. It's a trap."
Mr. Ambition didn't waver. "If you're strong enough," he said simply, "then you can walk into a trap."
His words made my heart crack, my breath catch. Made me feel like I've forgotten everything I knew about love.
When I was younger, I thought of my emotional strength like water: an embrace that could make someone I loved feel lighter. Water is a slow, eroding force that pulls beauty from the unexpected. Water makes wood into twisted driftwood sculptures; sharp glass into opaque dim jewels; rocks into soft sand. Water will eventually reveal the heart of everything it touches. If you let it.
I hadn't thought of myself that way in a long time. I felt like Mr. Ambition was calling me out, reminding me of who I wanted to be. Maybe I protect myself better, these days. But vulnerability is not always a bad thing.
I definitely could fall in love with this man, I realized.
"You're really amazing," I said, and threw myself on his chest.
He put his arms around me. "So are you," he said.